Be Careful What You Wish For!....

July 29th...Sound asleep until I heard a "Pop...gush, whoosh!" and felt like I was wetting the bed.

"What time is it?" I wondered. 3:30 am, on the nose. I got up on my hands and knees and tried to stop pissing myself, but I just couldn't.

"What's wrong with me? I thought I stopped wetting the bed when I was a kid. Whoa, there's a lot coming out. I can't stop this. What's happening? Oh my god, I think my water just broke! It couldn't have. I'm not due for another four weeks! Oh crap, I'm not going to be able to have a home birth! Aw shit. Well, I guess I'd better go tell Cam and get this show on the road."

I made my way to Cam's room and told him that I thought my water just broke. He woke up in a haze of confusion thinking I was telling him about a busted water line in the bathroom or something. Once he got a grasp on what I was actually saying, he got out of bed and we both kicked into gear. We got hold of the midwife, Sue and as she was on her way, we prepped the bed and couch just in case the home birth was going to happen.

Sue arrived by about 4:30. She did a vaginal exam and thought she felt a foot, which meant there was a breech presentation. That alone was not the biggest concern. I hadn't yet been tested for Strep and I was just over the borderline of being too early for having a viable home birth. We discussed the risks of going ahead with a home birth. What stood out for me was the fact that the umbilical cord could slip out and once that happened there would only be about 5 minutes before the child would be at risk for death.

I wasn't about to take any chances after all this time, so I went from being scared to angry to accepting my worst fear coming true within a few minutes time. So we packed a bag and Cam drove me to the hospital with Sue following behind. On the way, I could feel contractions and pressure on my back. Once we got there, I was hooked up to a monitor and asked a slew of questions. Once we were done with check-in, the nurse discovered that my contractions were happening every 2 minutes.

I was taken back to get into my lovely hospital gown and have some testing done. As I was leaving a urine sample, I noticed a yellow discharge on my pad, which I told the doctor about. They took a sample and analyzed it to discover it was meconium or fecal matter from the baby. A sign of distress and a possible complication if he were to aspirate it - yet another reason for a c-section.

I was hooked up to monitors and an iv. An ultrasound was done to confirm the breech presentation and the doctor came by to talk with me about what was going on. Considering all the factors, it was decided that a c-section was the best option. By now it was 7:00 am and the surgery was scheduled for 8:00 am.

Cam dressed up in all the blue scrubs. He looked like a handsome doctor. Off we went to the surgery room. Cam waited outside as I went in to get prepped. The doors opened and the scene was cold and sterile straight from the movies or one of those medical dramas on tv. I got on the narrow table and was introduced to the anesthesiologist.

He explained that once I got the spinal, I wouldn't be able to feel anything from the waist down. I leaned forward and arched my back. A sharp poke followed by warmth lead to my paralyzation. What a creepy feeling to look at my legs and feet and try to move them, but not be able to! Oh well, at least I wouldn't feel anything when they sliced me open!

The drape was raised to create a separation between my head and the rest of my body and Cam was brought in to keep my head company. The procedure started and I was actually pleased to feel a sensation that I can only describe as a massage from the inside. I felt totally relaxed and comforted. That only lasted for a few minutes and I soon felt jolted by the jostling, jiggling and rearranging of my organs.

I looked at Cam for comfort and his face was draining to white and looked so utterly serious as he viewed what the doctors were doing. I tried to think about something other than the fact that I had been sliced open and my insides were who knows where.
Just when I wasn't sure I could keep my focus elsewhere, the doctor announced that the baby was out.

Time of birth - 8:29 am. I didn't hear any crying and noticed that he had been taken to another table and people were working on him. Cam went over to see what was going on and I was calling, "Is he okay? Is he breathing? Is everything okay?"

Then I was treated to the sweetest sound I could have ever asked for. The high pitched cries of my son from across the room. As soon as I heard him, a switch turned on inside me and I began to sob. I noticed the song on the radio was "Come as You Are," by Nirvana. This is his song! How appropriate.

The doctor closed me up and just out of curiosity, checked my cervix to see how dialated it was... 6 cm... wow! We were out of the operating room by 9:00 am. I was able to attempt to breast feed for the first time shortly after in recovery. I'd like to emphasize the word "attempt" here. This was an excruciatingly hard task. I don't care what anyone says. Breast feeding is a difficult endeavor to begin with. It becomes even more interesting when you're hooked up to a bunch of machines by a million wires. Later, I came to realize, an audience and a high-strung nurse doesn't help either!

Much to my relief, Cam stayed with me the whole time. Daniel, had to stay in the nursery for the first 24 hours so they could monitor his breathing. They brought him to me every 3 hours so I could feed him. After they determined his breathing to be fine, he stayed in the room with us, which was great.

I ended up recovering really well. The doctor did such a nice job that I was able to go home after two days instead of the standard three. I didn't need much for pain either. I took a couple of Darvoset and Ibuprofen in the hospital and that was it. Daniel came out with quite a bit of bruising and swelling, but he recovered quickly too. All of the swelling went down and most of the bruising went away by the time we went home.

In preparing for this birth, I knew all along that my worst fear would be to have a c-section. Wouldn't you know it... my worst fear came true. Like I keep telling people... If it had to be this way, I couldn't be happier.

We're coming up on being home for 3 weeks now and things are looking really good. Daniel and I have finally got into a rhythm of feeding and I've actually managed to get a full 5 hours of consecutive sleep thanks to my mom's help. Hopefully, we'll get even more stuff under our belts within this next week to make it past the one month mark. I still just stare at him in amazement that he's actually here. I am truly the luckiest person on the planet!

Get this kid out of me!

Alright, so I've enjoyed being pregnant. I'm grateful for having the opportunity to let this life incubate inside of me. Its great to be a part of life's highest calling... yada... yada... yada...

The truth is, ever since we've moved and I've had to uproot and demolish all of my nesting efforts this far, I am done being pregnant. I want my body back. I want my shoes to fit. I want the pain and numbness in my hands and wrists to go away. I want to allow this kid to be his own person once and for all.

I've had a feeling that he's going to be big from the beginning, but now it has become painfully real that he is growing exponentially with every day that passes. All my organs from lungs to bladder are getting squished, which makes sleeping for more than a couple of hours at a time impossible.

When I wake up in the morning, the drool that has escaped my mouth practically drowns me. I try to get out of bed and instead of greeting the day with exuberance and hopping up in a song and dance, I rock back and forth struggling to sit up. Grunting and panting the whole time, inching my way to the edge of the bed, which just ends up making me feel like Jabba the Hut. Talk about a demoralizing!

I am lucky to be surrounded by such great family to lift me up and keep me going in the midst of my damaged ego. Yesterday, Danielle got me out of the house to one of my favorite places to eat (Red Robin) for lunch then was kind enough to help me unpack and organize the contents of quite a few boxes in D.L.'s room.

I rested for a bit and continued nesting until I got invited next door to grandma's house for a wonderful cube steak dinner. There were mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, bread, and dessert. Mmmmmmm! Not to mention great company with Cindy and Andrea being in town. We all gathered around with Virginia and talked for hours. I felt like it was ladies night!

Being pregnant is a joyous, challenging, and excruciating experience. There is nothing more of an honor in life and nothing more humbling. For sure, one of the best aspects of it is the way it brings family together, creates new stories, and conjures up old ones. Uniting past to present and creating a canvas for the future.

July 15 Midwife Visit

I saw Sue yesterday and when she asked how I'm doing, I replied with,

"Well, I can guarantee that my blood pressure is through the roof this time since I just spent the whole weekend moving and cleaning in 114 degree heat!"

Sure enough, my blood pressure is the highest its ever been. Now that we're in our new place, I can start to relax. I'm supposed to get my workout and anything else I need to get done each morning and spend the afternoons and evenings resting with my feet up as much as possible. I have to say, I love getting an order to relax. It makes it much easier for me. I have a hard time sitting still if its on my own accord. I guess now I have a good excuse to sit back and watch some movies.

Aside from my health, Daniel's heart rate is good and his movement is pretty good too. The whole time Sue was squeezing my belly to check his position, he was squirming and kicking. She is totally stumped as to what position he's in. Since the ultrasound on the 30th, I've experienced a few strong contractions and periods of time where there was a lot going on in there, so its anyone's guess I suppose. Right now, it feels like his head is under my right rib cage, but other times, its a different feeling.

This visit was pretty exciting because I got to take birth certificate paperwork and my birth kit home with me. The kit has all the sterilized stuff like umbilical cord clamp, scrub, drapes, pads, etc. To see all that stuff gave me a rush and I got light-headed thinking, "Oh my god, this is really going to happen!"

Its also time to pick out a pediatrician and figure out what course of action we're going to take as far as check ups, screening, vaccines and circumcision. Whoa! I've just discovered that this train I've been riding, just became a bullet train! Woooo woooo!

At the end of our visit, we talked about ways of softening my cervix. Along with plenty of good ol' sex, there are some herbal options available too. I bought a mixture from Sue and headed to Sprouts to get some evening primrose oil.

She scheduled our next visit for July 29th. Interesting that she picked that date because it was the due date for our baby we lost in the miscarriage. Hopefully we'll be able to turn that date around and put some life into it. I'm really excited because this will be our first in-home visit. She'll be able to know where we live, where everything's at in the house, and where to set up the birth pool.

As always, counting down the days till our next visit!

June 30th Ultrasound

I went to the ultrasound school yesterday to see what D.L.'s position and weight are. Just as I suspected, his head is under my right rib cage and he's laying at an angle with his feet near my left hip. He still has some time to get head-down so I'm going to spend as much time as possible encouraging him to move.

Contrary to some of my 3rd trimester nightmares, all his body parts are still there and his heart rate is good - thank god! :) He was in a good position to get a profile picture as soon as we got there, but right before they could capture his image he turned face down and stayed that way the rest of the time! I don't think he liked being looked at so much. He must be a private person already.

They took his measurements and found that he weighs 4 lbs 8oz! My projected due date is now August 22nd not September 2nd.

To make things even more interesting, the owner of the condo we've been renting wants to sell, so we should be moving into a house next to grandma and grandpa Welch this weekend. So much for all the nesting I've done so far. Time to start all over again in a new place!

I'm actually pretty excited because the new place has 3 bedrooms so everyone will get their own space! The back yard is huge and its on a nice, quiet road where a million cars aren't driving by all day. I'm just waiting to get the final word from the management guy then I can tie up some loose ends and get this show on the road!

June 24th Midwife Visit

I saw Sue yesterday and everything is great! My glucose is at 89, which means I don't have to go in for the 3-hour gestational diabetes test! Wooooo hoooo! D.L.'s heartrate is good. All my vitals are good. Everything is wonderfully normal!

Sue said that by measuring my belly, looking at his growth rate, and comparing it all to the ultrasound we had, she thinks that he'll arrive sometime in August, not September as originally thought. Hmmm... grandma Cindy has been saying that the whole time. I wonder if she's right? We'll see!

I got some information on an ultrasound school where I can get a free one. I'm curious to see what position he's in. Sue and her assistant can't quite tell, but I've either got his head or butt right under my right rib cage. If they can't tell the difference, it seems he's going to have a huge head! :)

Shower Booty!

I think this kid has enough clothes to last him at least through the first year of his life! He's got both disposable and cloth diapers, wipes, pacifiers, bottles, grooming stuff, bathtub, towels, washcloths, blankets, burp cloths, bassinet, swing, car seat, diaper bag, baby monitor... the list goes on and on...
I cannot believe how much stuff we have now! It seems that we have everything we need except for a stroller and Boppy pillow, which I can pick up with the gift certificates and checks we got.
Thank you Danielle and John for opening your home to everyone. Danielle took on everything from beautifully wrapping all the sent gifts to putting together such a nice party complete with blue decorations, food, and cupcakes. She also did a wonderful job as the official photographer!
Thank you to everyone for surrounding us with love and showering us with all the gifts that will make our lives easier with our new baby. We had such a good time and really felt the love and energy everyone brought!

Here's the gift table full of stuff that was sent through the mail from out-of-towners. Once people started showing up, we had so many gifts that we had to start a pile on the floor!


Cupcakes!


It was Cam's job to keep track of who gave us what...not an easy task! Good job Cam!


I even got a nursing gown!


Here Cam, your turn to open a gift. Hmmmmm... what is it?



Nursing pads! hahaha!

My favorite moment was seeing the look on Cam's face, when he opened a pair of preciously small newborn sneakers. "They're so tiny!" he said...


Who knew reusable diapers could bring so much happiness...


With a little help from Krew...



Overalls that say "Daddy's Caddy" How appropriate!


The Finch crew...


Good looks courtesy of mom... I dunno about that... check out the sweat I've worked up from opening so many packages!


Charm courtesy of dad...

If you think I'm extreme, check this out!....

I came across a documentary the other night on Discovery Health Channel. It was about a movement called "freebirthing." Basically, its when a woman makes the decision to give birth unassisted by a professional. Quite amazing really. These women are the bravest of the brave when it comes to birthing. They take charge more than anyone else I've seen and the awareness that they have of their own bodies is astounding.

This movement is mostly underground because of the scrutiny it faces from critics and by the fact that its illegal in certain countries. Surprisingly, its seems to be technically legal in the U.S., but not socially accepted. The following video is an example of freebirthing where only the woman and her husband were present. No drugs, medical staff standing by, or even a midwife. The lack of pain and presence of joy gives much hope for us all.

Monthly midwife visits are over!

Yep! That's right, now I get to see her every couple weeks! Our visit yesterday was really good. She drew my blood for the glucose challenge test and I'll hear back about it next time. My blood pressure is fine, but still could be a little lower. The swelling in my legs and feet continue, but isn't anything I can't figure out with exercise and nutrition.

Sue sent me home with information on preventing toxemia. One of the things I did right away was make some homemade raw beet juice. Just 4 ounces a day helps to balance the sodium and potassium ratio in my blood. Its also one of the fastest ways to help the body access and absorb calcium. The taste is very earthy and takes some getting used to, but after I take a swig, I feel instantly energized!

I also got a chance to listen to D.L.'s heartbeat in different positions. First, I laid on my back, then my left side, then I sat up on the couch. Each position created a different heart rate in him, which shows good responsive variation ranging from 130-140 beats per minute.

While listening to his heart, I heard him move around as I felt him from inside. It was good for me to once again make the mental and emotional connection of what his movements feel like as I heard them. Sue suggested that I feel and record kick counts so we can make sure he moves around about 10 times in an hour that he's awake. It'll be good for me to get my mind in to the mode of quantifying his movements into numbers so I have an easier way of communicating about what's going on with him.

I came home and told Cam all about how his son is healthy inside of me. He cracked me up a few minutes later when he went to look at himself in the bathroom mirror. He said he had a sudden moment of fear and realization come over him.
"I'm going to be a dad!" he said.
I laughed and gave him a great big hug. I suddenly felt inspired and asked him to take a picture of both of us with my growing belly.

Thanks Grandma Linda!

One of those lovely flat rate packages came from my mom yesterday afternoon. It was stuffed full of goodies for her grandson.
"What was in that special box?" you ask...
Well, let's just say, my mom has officially gone garaaaaaage-saaaaaaling! If there's one title to describe her, its Wheeler-Dealer-Garage-Sale-Treasure-Acquisitioner. (Try saying that three times fast!) It almost never fails...She gets what she wants and wheels and deals her way to a happy transaction.
Among other gifts, D.L. now has an additional 25 outfits, a hat, and a bib to add to his growing wardrobe. My favorite outfit is this funky onesie that cost 25 cents...

Hello Third Trimester!

27 Weeks Pregnant

This marks the official beginning of the final stretch! In more ways than one really. We've got about three months left and I'm starting to notice those pesky stretch marks around my belly. I'm sure I'll get plenty more where those came from now that he'll be growing really fast. Oh well, Nothing a little exercise, olive oil, and Burt's Bees belly butter won't take care of!

My last day of work for the school year was on May 21st so I've been enjoying some time off and making the most of every minute. I'm so grateful to have this time to get physically and mentally prepared for the home birth. I spend my days nesting and getting our home ready for the big day. I make most of our food from scratch, which is really fun since I love to cook so much. I get to do yoga, read, write, and work on art every day.

I signed a contract to go back to work next school year, but we're making the money from Cam's job stretch really well so far. I hope to keep it up so I don't have to go back to work. We already have medical coverage for D.L. and me through AHCCCS and I'm waiting to hear back on approval for Cam's coverage.

The WIC helps some with food, but I also went ahead and applied for food stamps too. I was raised to believe that people who get help from the state are just lazy and "working the system" so its been one emotional hurdle after another to accept that there are many reasons why people get help. Now, I can see that this help makes it possible for me to stay home and have the JOB of loving and nurturing my baby.

Of course I have my doubts and fears that come up from time to time, but that is completely natural in the process of coming to the realization that I've got the most challenging and satisfying job of my life waiting for me just around the corner. Just three more months...

Ring of Fire... finished

I started this piece when I had a couple of days where I wasn't feeling D.L. move around as much as I thought I should. As I started to feel him more, I was able to create more and added to it as his movements picked up and started to match the pace and schedule I remember. Now that I feel connected to him again, I've been able to see this art through to completion with his help. Its our first collaborative effort.

Ring of Fire... second stage

Ring of Fire

Houston... we have a belly

Well, this is the last week of the second trimester and my belly seems to be ballooning by the second. I'm happy to say that I no longer have a sore throat or any of the other ailments I was dealing with before. My dreams are no longer nightmares and I'm back to getting up only once or twice a night to go to the bathroom. No more getting up to blow my nose, clear my throat, or cough out a lung! Yay! Simply put, I'm feeling really good!

Baby Daniel seems to be on a pretty regular schedule of movement. He really likes it when I eat and starts to wiggle around a little after meals. His activity really picks up at night and he has started to show signs of responding to noise and voices. We were over at Auntie Danielle's yesterday for maybe an hour. He didn't move the whole time until she asked about him.

"How's Danny?" she asked.

As soon as she said his name, he swiftly kicked me in the gut. I laughed and was able to have Danielle put her hand over the spot so she could feel him kick and sure enough, he did it again. Such a show off! So far, I've been able to share his movement with Cam, Ashli, Cindy, and Danielle. Every time I'm able to share wiggles and kicks with a new person, I feel reassured that he is on his way and excited to be with us.

I've been in the habit of saying that I'm excited to meet him, but the truth is that I've known him for a very long time. I think the thing of it is, I just haven't been able to meet up with him in at least a few lifetimes. I guess it would be more accurate to say, I'm excited to finally reunite with him. Its been a long time coming and now it comes down to a mere three more months! Can't wait to hold you in my arms D.L.!

Probiotics and Colorpuncture and herbs... oh my!

Three weeks ago, I came down with a sore throat, congestion, coughing, swollen/sore glands, tons of mucus, aching muscles, and nightmares. With the use of natural remedies, I got the physical symptoms somewhat under control after 5 days, but just a few days later, everything came back in a flood. All the while I continued treatment and the cycle of getting better and worse continued.

Last night, I barely slept because of the pain in my throat and my inability to breathe. When I did manage to get a couple minutes of shut-eye, my nightmares disturbed me to to point of waking up again. This morning, I woke up to a swollen upper lip. That's when I had had enough! I called in sick to work and made few other phone calls.

I called my midwife to see what she suggested. She told me that since my gynecologist was also an MD, he would have good idea of what is okay to take when you're pregnant. So I did just that. I called and told the receptionist at my gynecologist's office of my symptoms, that they had persisted for three weeks, and now I had a swollen upper lip. I wanted to set up an appointment to talk to the doctor. She told me to try one of the following: Sudafed, Actifed, or Chlor-trimeton.

"All of those are safe to take during pregnancy. Try taking one and if it doesn't work, then call back and we can set up an appointment for you," she said.

WHAT!!!? I don't know why I'm so goddamn surprised. After all, this is the same office I had trouble with before. They are the epitome of what Western medicine has become... Just take something to mask the symptoms and avoid dealing with the root issue at all costs! Good grief! So I did a little research online and found a Naturopathic doctor whose specialty is womens' health. As a bonus, her office is 10 minutes away from my apartment.

I made my appointment with a nice receptionist who didn't question my concerns or make me feel stupid for calling. She scheduled me for a morning appointment today with no problems. I arrived and waited in the beautifully peaceful waiting room. The doctor herself came out to the waiting room and guided me to her office. She had me tell her all about my symptoms AND... drum roll please... my LIFE! God forbid, I am a human being with many complex intricacies.

My favorite part of Naturopathic medicine is the exchange of knowledge between client and doctor. The doctor is not the teacher or in an all-seeing "god" role. Both client and doctor are both teacher AND student with each other. When I was able to describe everything in full to her, I began to realize some things I hadn't before. Just by the simple mechanical act of vocalizing, my brain had been triggered!

The doctor listened and learned from and about me and we finally put together that in the process of this pregnancy, I have developed allergies to dairy, wheat gluten, and yeast. My allergies suppressed my immune system enough to pick up a virus. The virus has run its course for the most part, but the allergies remain.

What about the nightmares? We talked about that in-depth too! The nightmares and the flare-up of physical symptoms all started to appear around the same time my mom and I argued on the phone and I hung up on her. I haven't talked to her since and it seems that my nightmares center around a lack of communication with my mother.

In talking about emotional issues, the doctor brought up something I had never heard of before. Its called Colorpuncture. It uses the benefits of the spectrum of light by placing light on acupuncture points. It is based on the premise that humans are beings of light and cells use light energy to communicate and heal. I laid down on the table and she examined many acupuncture points on my body. She asked me about the sensitivity of each as she poked them with her instrument. From analyzing the results, she said that there is an imbalance in my liver that is related to anger.

She then took out a different instrument called an acu-light. Its a small flashlight-looking thing with a clear prism crystal at the end where the light comes out. She firmly placed the acu-light on each of the points on my back that were the most sensitive. Each color of the rainbow was used to create different frequencies of communication with my cells.

As she pressed the light prism against my back, I could see different colored patterns form through my eyes. It was an all-encompassing pattern that appeared no matter what I looked at. I could see these patterns in the same dimension that auras are visible...it was the weirdest thing. Its supposed to help me release anger and finally deal with my emotions, which will help provide some relief to the physical symptoms. I don't know how it works, but from the patterns I've seen in my eyes and the way I feel now, I trust that my cells have been reprogrammed in some way. We'll see if I have nightmares tonight.

Aside from Colorpuncture, I got a list of herbs and supplements for me to take that are safe during pregnancy. These include nettle, elderberry syrup, garlic, vitamin C, and echinacea. Contrary to my prior belief, echinacea is okay to take during pregnancy. I also got on a probiotic treatment of an acidophilus mixture that encourages the growth of good bacteria in my guts. I'm also supposed to abstain from all dairy, wheat, and yeast products.

After my appointment, I headed straight for Sprouts and stocked up on everything I need. I learned a few things from reading labels today... no yeast SO FAR means no bread... bummer! Also, there is wheat in a LOT of things! Right down to the pretzels I love to eat so much. Dairy is another story. I already know so much about dairy products from being vegan in the past that I feel like an expert. Either way, this new set of restrictions should make grocery shopping and balancing my diet very interesting from now on. I'm up for the challenge, though! Bring it on! Right?

Another successful visit with the midwife

I'm 24 weeks along today and went to see our midwife, Sue. Usually Cam and I go together, but today I went by myself for the first time because he was working. It was a very intimate visit because not only was he absent, but her two students who are usually there were gone too. Yep! Just some good ol' one-on-one time for an hour. Nice!

D.L.'s heart rate is normal at 130. My blood pressure and urine are both still normal. We talked about my iron level which was 13 at the beginning of my pregnancy and now is 11. I asked if that was a good thing and she says it is. The reason is that the iron is basically the same, but has dissipated throughout the vast amount of blood volume I've gained over the last few months.

My feet have been swelling, which is pretty normal for this stage of the game. She said to be sure and focus on drinking plenty of water and eating well. I'm to especially be sure to eat plenty of salt in order decrease the swelling. Since, after all, an increase in blood volume means the need for more salt. Fine with me! I love salt.

I asked about a water birth pool and she said that you can't really get the 5 foot diameter kiddie pools at the regular store anymore. They seem to have been all bought up by a water birth specialty place and marked up in price. Luckily, she will be able to provide a pool. All we will need to get is a pool liner and a garden hose to hook up to our washing machine spout for warm water.

We wrapped up our visit by figuring how much money she would take off the total bill for all the yard work Cam has done for her. The remainder of the bill will be paid in whatever amount we can manage when we can get to it. This lady is so laid back. I LOVE her! She is really flexible, but more importantly, kind hearted and compassionate.

On our next visit, I get to do a glucose challenge test. An hour before the appointment, I need to eat 1 regular size "3 Musketeers" bar + 1 fun size bar, have nothing but water for an hour, then get my blood drawn at the appointment. If I do well enough on that test, I won't have to go into the lab for a grueling 3-hour gestational diabetes test. I'm keeping my fingers crossed because I really don't want to have to hang out at a lab for 3 hours!

I'm also looking forward to my next visit because it will be my first as a 30-year-old! Pretty monumental for me. I can't believe I will be giving birth for the first time at 30. I'm glad I've been able to hold out this long to do and see all the things I have. I just hope I'll be able to take all that experience and put it to good use... Only time will tell!

I'm so tickled by my son

I've been fighting off a cold over the past week. It finally caught up with me and I took yesterday and the day before off from work because I was basically too damn exhausted!

Today, I'm feeling somewhat human again so I made it back to work and managed to do some grocery shopping after wards. I still don't have a/c in my car and its 102 degrees outside and probably at least 150 in my car. This makes it a very interesting feat to get home without melting the popsicles and hard boiling my baby!

I sped home, put the groceries away and collapsed on the couch. As I felt my body revive from the heat, I could tell that junior was getting rejuvenated too. Don't get me wrong, I've been feeling him wiggling around in there for a while now. Last night, Cam even got to feel him move around for the first time.

Today, he kicked and punched so much that I swear he has a future in martial arts. This started an interaction where he would make a move and I responded by jiggling my hand on the spot and saying, "do it again, D.L!" and he would do it again. This happened a few times before my cat, Nina got so curios that she came right up and sat on my lap so her face was nose against my belly. Her eyes dilated and she started purring every time a roundhouse or elbow shot from Renzo made my belly shake.

The whole scene was absolutely hilarious and I began to laugh out loud uncontrollably, which of course stimulated him to move even more... which in turn made me laugh even more. WOW! I'm 23 weeks along and it is official! My son has tickled me for the first time and made me laugh! I dream of the day when I'll be able to return the favor by tickling and making him laugh.

Our first mandala is complete!!

Simply put, mandalas are an art form that have been found in ancient cave paintings and carvings. They are an expression that all elements of life and death - their power, rhythms, cycles and miracles occur in a circle. By using a steady hand to color in between the lines, the mind shifts into an awareness of the universe and aligns the body to be in sync with it. Tibetan Buddhist monks create them out of sand and after they're done, they destroy their beautiful masterpiece to show the impermanence of everything.

As mentioned in a previous blog entry, I declared that I was going to start doing mandalas as a practice of being in the moment with my baby and to condition my mind for labor. I did one today with nothing more than some simple sharpies and highlighters. Unfortunately, the final product was too big for the scanner and the edges got cut off, so just use your imagination to complete the circle. Its a simple design that took me about five hours and is well worth great sense of accomplishment I feel now. I'm sure there are more to come with complexity and intensity to increase as I get more proficient!

Let the nesting begin!

Last weekend, I did a LOT of sifting through boxes, cleaning, and rearranging stuff to make room for D.L.'s side of the closet. Since his mom and dad have separate bedrooms, he won't really have his own for a while. He'll be sharing a closet with me and probably sleeping in Cam's room at night because its the only room where we can close the door and keep the cats out.

I already have a collection of onesies started thanks to Auntie Danielle, Grandma Cindy, and Auntie Amber. I also took a trip to Savers and scored more than a few on my own along with a tiny D-Backs tank top for around 10 bucks! I pulled all my golden books, baby toys, and rattles out that I played with when I was a baby from the boxes my mom sent when we moved here. Those things are classics! I arranged everything so I can see it every time I open my closet door. It makes me smile and envision our future as a happy little family.

Shower Time Approaching!!!!!

My cousin Danielle is in the process of planning a baby shower for us and will be sending an evite out within the next week or two. We've decided to make it for June 20th. It'll be lots of fun and totally laid back with hamburgers, hot dogs, beer, and pop at her house. She's got a pool, so there should be swimming! In preparation, I've registered at the following places:

target.com
walmart.com
babiesrus.com

If you're interested in taking part in providing some much needed supplies, I've registered under Tami Wheeler as the primary registrant and Cameron Ashcroft as the co-registrant. There's everything from diapers and wipes to toys and videos to choose from! There's also a couple of big-ticket items in there, but that's why I've incorporated Wal Mart to try and keep the prices down as much as possible.

Any gifts sent through the mail before June 20th will be sent to Danielle's house so she can wrap and have them ready for the shower. After June 20th, our address will be used for shipping.

Thanks in advance for spoiling our baby boy!

WIC!!!

Yesterday, I went to the WIC office right across the street from my house hoping to get some free juice and peanut butter. I walked into their pleasantly cool office and they had me fill out a couple of forms. Almost as soon as I was done with that, a very nice lady took me to the clinic room to get my height, weight, and iron measurements. As we were waiting for the results of my iron, she told me that anything over 10.5 is great. The machine beeped and she told me that my iron is at a healthy 11.3! How exciting!

Next, we went into her office where she interviewed me about my eating habits. We talked about the things I'm doing right along with ideas of how I could do better. Then she asked me if I plan on breast feeding.

"Of course! What better way for my baby to get all the anti-bodies he needs!?" I replied.

She smiled and explained that WIC rewards women who breastfeed by giving them even more free stuff once they give birth. She showed me information on a free breast feeding class that they offer and I happily signed up. She then explained the importance of having a strong mentor in order for me to be a successful breast-feeder.

"Do you know of anyone who would be a good support for you?" she asked.

Of course, I immediately thought of Cindy. I told her all about my partner's mom and how enthusiastic she is about natural childbirth in general and how particularly excited she gets about breast feeding.

After we covered all the bases, I was handed my blank WIC checks for the next three months and a brochure on all the stuff I get every month. I was shocked because I thought it was just free juice and peanut butter, but it is so much more. Today I went to Wal Mart and used the first of my four checks for the first month and got only a fraction of what I'm allotted for the month.

Here's what I get every month for FREE:

11 half gallons of lactose and growth hormone free milk
6 bottles of 46 oz juice
2 pounds of cheese
1 dozen eggs
36 oz of cereal
1 jar of peanut butter or dried beans or lentils

I just love that this benefit is there for me to reach out and grab onto. It is definitely worth the minimal effort to get all this free healthy stuff for my baby and me! I think on my next visit, they might give me some vouchers to get some free local produce at the farmer's market. I can't wait!

The meaning of the name Daniel Lorenzo

When the two individual name meanings join together, a very special meaning emerges ...

A great ruler who is a servant to the people. A patron of the arts who has been judged by God and crowned in laurels as victorious.

How I came to this conclusion... the background:

From the Hebrew name דָנִיֵּאל (Daniyyel) meaning "God is my judge". Daniel was a Hebrew prophet whose story is told in the Book of Daniel in the Old Testament. He lived during the Jewish captivity in Babylon, where he served in the court of the king, rising to prominence by interpreting the king's dreams. The book also presents Daniel's four visions of the end of the world.

Italian and Spanish form of Laurentius (see LAURENCE (1)). Lorenzo Medici, known as the Magnificent, was a ruler of Florence during the Renaissance. He was also a great patron of the arts who employed Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Botticelli and other famous artists. In Italian, the name Lorenzo means- form of Lawrence, laurel-crowned or victorious.

Baby's first tarot card reading

Cam and I have been having some really weird dreams over the last few nights. When we talk about them, they've been turning out to be quite similar. We've decided that our baby has crossed over a threshold and is trying to communicate with us and is scanning our memory banks to feed his own brain and help us revisit issues we haven't even thought about in years. For me, I figured that the next logical step would be to try and communicate back and gain some understanding through Zen Tarot.

I did a simple "relating" layout that examines a relationship between two people. In this case, it is my relationship with my son, Daniel Lorenzo. It looks like this:


Since this is a reading meant for my relationship with my son, I will leave out my personal interpretation to keep it sacred, avoid skewing other perspectives and maintain the level of privacy that Tarot requires. The following, are the representations and meanings from the book behind each card in this layout.

I want to share the cards and their general meanings because they hold great beauty and power and can be used to bring out things in the mind that we already collectively know. Its perfectly fine to interpret these how you want. Whatever insight and understanding of your own you get is a gift for you to reflect upon and enjoy!

Card 1: Me and what I am contributing to the relationship...

UNDERSTANDING: "The bird pictured on this card is looking out from what seems to be a cage. There is no door, and actually the bars are disappearing. The bars were an illusion, and this small bird is being summoned by the grace and freedom and encouragement of the others. It is spreading its wings, ready to take flight for the very first time. The dawn of a new understanding - that the cage has always been open, and the sky has always been there for us to explore - can make us feel a little shaky at first. It's fine, and natural to be shaky, but don't let it overshadow the opportunity to experience the light-heartedness and adventure on offer, right there alongside the shakiness. Move with the sweetness and gentleness of this time. Feel the fluttering within. Spread your wings and be free."

Card 2: Daniel Lorenzo and his input to the relationship...

REBIRTH: "This card depicts the evolution of consciousness as it is described by Friedrich Nietzsche in his book, Thus Spake Zarathustra. He speaks of the three levels of Camel, Lion and Child. The camel is sleepy, dull, self-satisfied. He lives in delusion, thinking he's a mountain peak, but really he is so concerned with others' opinions that he hardly has any energy of his own. Emerging from the camel is the lion. When we realize we've been missing life, we start saying no to the demands of others. We move out of the crowd, alone and proud, roaring our truth. But this is not the end. Finally the child emerges, neither acquiescent nor rebellious, but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being. Whatever the space you're in right now - sleepy and depressed, or roaring and rebellious - be aware that it will evolve into something new if you allow it. It is a time of growth and change."

Card 3: The composite energies or what the energies create when they come together...

THE MISER: "This woman has created a fortress around herself, and she is clinging to all the possessions she thinks are her treasures. In fact she has accumulated so much stuff with which to adorn herself - including the feathers and furs of living creatures - that she has made herself ugly in the effort. This card challenges us to look at what we are clinging to and what we feel we possess that is so valuable that it needs to be protected by a fortress. It needn't be a big bank balance or a box full of jewels - it could be something as simple as sharing our time with a friend, or taking the risk of expressing our love to another. Like a well that is sealed up and becomes stagnant from disuse, our treasures become tarnished and worthless if we refuse to share them. Whatever you're holding on to, remember that you can't take it with you. Loosen your grip and feel the freedom and expansiveness sharing can bring."

Card 4: The insight... what I can learn from this relationship...

MORALITY: "Morality has restricted all the juice and energy of life to the narrow confines of her mind. It can't flow there, so she really has become a "dried up old prune." Her whole manner is very proper and stiff and severe, and she is always ready to see every situation as black and white, like the jewel she wears around her neck. The Queen of Clouds lurks in the minds of all of us who have been brought up with rigid ideas of good and bad, sinful and virtuous, acceptable and unacceptable, moral and immoral. It's important to remember that all these judgments of the mind are just products of our conditioning. And whether our judgments are applied to ourselves or others, they keep us from experiencing the beauty and godliness that lies within. Only when we break through the cage of our conditioning and reach the truth of our own hearts can we begin to see life as it really is."

20 Questions answered by dad

What color do you think your child's eyes will be?
brown
How will you talk to him about sex?
honestly, and openly
What do you think will be your biggest challenge as a parent?
letting him be free in this crazy world.
What is the biggest gift you have to offer your son?
my freindship
In what ways will this child change your life?
teach me to be more self less.
What t.v. dad do you hope to be like?
none of them
Will he wear boxers or briefs?
briefs as a boy, boxers when he develops
What kinds of activities/sports do you think he'll be interested in?
I think he will be very creative. Sports might not be his thing.
How will having a son affect you as a man?
I hope I can grow a better mustache.
What kind of hope do you have for him?
That he can enjoy the world that he is coming to.
Who do you think will spoil him the most?
Me
What do you think his first word will be?
Beer
Do you think he'll register to vote?
I don't know
Will this kid have any siblings or be an only child?
any child should have siblings, I believe
Where will he go on his first trip?
Grandma Cindy
What age do you think he will have his first girlfriend?
10
Will he be a mama's boy or a daddy's boy?
mama's
Will he have lots of friends or be a loner?
lots and lots
How many times will his heart be broken?
very few
What will his favorite animal be?
jack-a-lope

20 Questions answered by mom

What color do you think your child's eyes will be?

I'm thinking blue. That would be amazing if he had my eyes and his dad's skin. I've always liked the contrast of light eyes against dark skin.

How will you talk to him about sex?

I want to be candid with him from an early age. I hope to talk to him in a way that he is never ashamed of his sexuality and always feels comfortable to talk to his mom or dad about anything he wants.

What do you think will be your biggest challenge as a parent?

My biggest challenge will be in separating what is my style of parenting versus what has been ingrained in me from my parents.

What is the biggest gift you have to offer your son?

I want to share my inquisitive nature with him so he grows up knowing the importance of questioning everything from things on the news, right down to the notion of reality.

In what ways will this child change your life?

I'm sure in ways I can't even imagine at this point, but I really look forward to having a chance to reflect on my own life as I watch him face the challenges each time period in his has to offer.

What t.v. mom do you hope to be like?

Abby from "Dharma and Greg."

Will he wear boxers or briefs?

Probably boxers.

What kinds of activities/sports do you think he'll be interested in?

I don't know that he'll be big into sports. I'm sure we'll take him camping quite a bit and his dad will probably kick the soccer ball around with him. I want him to stay active, but I don't want him to feel pressured to do anything he doesn't want to do.

How will having a son affect you as a woman?

I have a lot to learn about boys and men and I see that having a son is a great opportunity for me to expand my scope of understanding of them.

What kind of hope do you have for him?

I hope he grows up with just enough conflict to build his character, but not too much to break him.

Who do you think will spoil him the most?

So far, I think Grandma Cindy and Auntie Danielle are up there on the list.

What do you think his first word will be?

Cat

Do you think he'll register to vote?

I think he will, I just don't know when.

Will this kid have any siblings or be an only child?

I hope to have maybe one brother or sister for him, but probably not more than that. There's nothing wrong with being an only child!

Where will he go on his first trip?

His first big trip will probably be to visit family in Seattle.

What age do you think he will have his first girlfriend?

8

Will he be a mama's boy or daddy's boy?

Probably mama's

Will he have lots of friends or be a loner?

He just might be a loner with lots of friends!

How many times will his heart be broken?

Too many to count. I think he'll be in love a lot.

What will his favorite animal be?

Well, considering the cats all take turns laying on my belly, purring and making him move around like a Mexican jumping bean, I think its safe to say that he'll be partial to cats.

Do We Really Need to Circumcise?

I'm sure there are many questions that will come up for us, but now that we know we're having a boy, my first big question is: Should he be circumcised? My partner's immediate answer is, "yes of course!" I ask for an explanation and he can't seem to give me one because he's never really thought about it. He simply says, "That's just what we do, I guess." I, on the other hand, am finding myself struggle with an answer because I believe that if he's born with it, why the hell slice it off? And in such a sensitive area!

I've done some research and know it is not medically necessary. Most people do it for religious reasons, the sake of convenience, or to simply fit in with society. As far as religion goes, I consider myself to be eclectic and have a strong connection with nature. I feel that the most natural and consistent action with my belief system would be to leave my son with what body parts he is born with. As far as fitting in with society, I'm not concerned with that either. I feel that there are more important issues to consider than simply fitting in.

So, then what about hygiene? Simple. As long as proper hygiene is exercised and instilled from an early age, there's no need to worry about infections. Furthermore, I want my son to have an active role in paying attention to and taking care of his body, including his penis. Any additional way he can feel connected with the functions of his body is a great thing. The more involved he is in taking care of himself, the happier he will be and the less likely he will get sick. After all, prevention is key to being healthy.

Like I said earlier, it is such a sensitive area. In the foreskin alone, there are thousands of nerve endings. This, to me would seem to enhance sexual sensation and to take it away would rob him of part of his sexuality. The other functions of the foreskin are very valuable also. It keeps the glans of the penis protected from the elements, prevents chafing and callousing, and provides a natural color in the glans by maintaining proper blood flow.

I can't even imagine inflicting such physical pain on him and to cause the emotional pain of taking away some benefits that nature has to offer from the gifts his body gives to him in his perfect state at birth. With my adamant feelings against the strong societal pressure that has instilled a belief that circumcision is "just what you do when you have a boy," I can see that this might be up for debate for a long time and will be a topic that re-emerges for the rest of the pregnancy and possibly beyond.

Functions of the Prepuce (Foreskin) @ Yahoo! Video

Drumroll Please! Its a.....

Healthy baby boy!...

Meet: Daniel Lorenzo Page

Here's his package:


Face:


Profile:


Profile with hand by his face:


Foot with toes curled:


Proud Parents...

Boy or Girl?

Today, I am officially 19 weeks along and feeling great! I feel like I've got a handle on the basics of being pregnant. I really just can't believe that I'm about halfway there! I am so excited for the birthing process to begin. I mean, I am totally ready. I can't wait to experience labor! When I think of what's to come, I think of the night I peed on that fateful stick and how enthusiastically Cindy roared "BRING IT ON!"

Of course I'm jumping ahead of myself. That is way farther in the future than the 20-week milestone we're looking at in a week. This will be the time when we get to see pictures of our little creature and find out if its a boy or girl. There was an overwhelming consensus that the child we lost in the miscarriage of the last pregnancy was a girl. This time, the feeling is just as strong, but for a boy.

We had a laugh with my midwife when we talked about one of the ways some people try to determine gender. She said that if the mom is particularly emotionally sad, it should be a girl because of the extra estrogen and if she gets easily angry or mean, its a boy because of all the excess testosterone in the system. I thought about it for a second then looked at Cam. He came right out and said, "Well, she CAN be pretty mean! Maybe we are having a boy!"

There are a couple people that swear we're having a girl. Personally, I've had the strong sensation that there's a little boy inside of me, but I'm willing to be proven wrong! When it comes down to it, I've been wanting and waiting so long to get pregnant that I don't care if we end up with an androgynous duck-billed purple space alien! I just want the chance to experience a tangible manifestation that is a result of the love I have with my partner Cameron and the love of family.

I know that there are no guarantees especially after the last pregnancy ended in miscarriage. Even though it was painful, that experience has an important place in my life. I gained so much from such a huge loss. I can't really put it into words, but I've been able to sense the vast amount of sequential spiritual exchange that took place from the loss of our last baby Chloe to get to the point we're at now with baby Uma Kali or Daniel Lorenzo.

Cute names, huh? We decided that if its a girl, I get to name her and if its a boy, Cam gets to name him. Both of us had names picked out almost from the beginning. They both just popped into our heads like they were always meant to be. Who knows? Maybe we'll all be surprised and get one of each. Twins perhaps?

For now, I'm just trying to keep myself distracted as much as possible to get through this week. I am dying to get that ultrasound and see what is in store for everyone in our family. Will this be a son or daughter, grandson or grand-daughter, niece or nephew? I will be sure to keep everyone posted as soon as I find out! So mark your calendar for April 15th - tax day and the day we will know more about Tam and Cam's baby's gender!!!!

Dad is pulling some strings

For the most part, things have been going smoothly with the pregnancy. There has been some stress. The main source coming from the imbalance of money coming in versus going out. We've been here since the end of January and only recently has my partner landed a job. Needless to say, our well has run dry and we're running on fumes.

For the longest time, I flat out refused to look for a job for myself. I felt that it was my responsibility to take on the pregnancy full time while my partner brought home the bacon. It would be one thing to continue a job that I got before I was pregnant, but I just wasn't in the mood to take on a new responsibility in the middle of being pregnant. Well, reality doesn't always jive with fantasy so recently I've realized that if we're going to make it, both of us need to be working.

I was frustrated when I started my search because I was torn between the only two paths I could see: 1) get a job that I care about or 2) get a job that I don't care about. If I got a job that I care about, I would really enjoy myself, but would get attached and have a hard time leaving. If I got a job that I don't care about, I would be miserable, but would have an easy time leaving.

Which goes back to fantasy versus reality. My fantasy is to work until I have the baby then be a stay-at-home mom. The reality is I'm probably going to have to have the baby and get back to work shortly after wards. A single income for three people at a starting wage just might not cut it. Realizing this, made me lean more toward wanting a job that I really care about.

I started my search probably the week before last. I called the Mesa Public Schools Special Ed office and had my resume added to the employment list and applied for various other jobs that involve working with children. I had an interview last Tuesday that I bombed, but that was okay because it was the first one. I learned a lot and realized what I wanted and didn't want to do in the next interview.

Wednesday night, I applied for the Child Crisis Center. Thursday morning, I got a call for an interview with them and also from a special ed teacher in the Mesa School District. My interviews were set back to back on Friday - March 27th, which would have marked my dad's 61st year on earth. He died and left this planet when he was 56 and I miss him a lot. I still always sing happy birthday to him on his special day.

On Friday, I did my morning routine of watering the plants, feeding the animals and making myself breakfast. As I was doing this, I sang to my dad and asked for his help and wishes of good luck for my interviews for the day. I cried as I felt his familiar presence, but couldn't reach out and give him a hug or smell his lavender scent.

I went to my first interview at noon. It was with the special ed classroom - kids with severe disabilities, kindergarten - 3rd grade...my favorite age group! I felt so extremely comfortable and was really proficient in explaining my experience and relating to the teacher interviewing me. We were interrupted a few times by curious kids coming over to check us out. One girl liked me so much that she kept asking me to tickle her. Another boy ran over to me and grabbed my leg. I smiled and said, "Hi there!" He responded with a gleaming smile and wave.

I knew I was doing well when the teacher started to describe their daily routine and all of the behaviors to be aware of in each child. One girl gets so excited that sometimes she scratches, at times they have trouble with another child screaming, and so on...Our interview ended with the teacher saying that she had a few more interviews to do and would let me know by Tuesday. I thanked her and made my way to the next interview.

The Child Crisis Center (CCC) was a lot more intense. Its a shelter where kids live who have been taken out of their homes by Child Protective Services (CPS). This job would also give me great joy by the challenges that come from protecting children with special circumstances.

The interview was grueling. I had to fill out a mountain of paper work including an application, background check, license and insurance information. There were three solid pages of questions that the interviewer asked me, then I had to fill out four pages of essay questions. I was there for over an hour and left feeling exhausted and wondering how I did.

I got home and was feeling good about the first interview and confused by the second. Not long after I'd been home, the phone rang. It was the teacher from the first interview! I wondered if I had forgot something since I wasn't expecting to hear from her until Tuesday.

"I'm calling because I would like to offer you the job in our classroom. There's one more step... if you could come in on Monday and meet the principal and he gives his okay, we can officially offer you the job. If you accept, we'll send you to Human Resources to fill out the rest of the paperwork necessary," she said.

Wow! already!? I thanked her and set up or next appointment. After hanging up, I smiled and thanked my dad because it was his birthday and I was reminded of my last experience of applying for a special ed job. I was a substitute for the Highline District for a year and a half and had been applying for permanent jobs for over six months with not one call for an interview.

Finally, on the day of my dad's funeral, in 2004 I got a call for an interview in a 1st - 3rd grade special ed classroom at Hazel Valley Elementary. I got the job and ended up working there for about three years. It was the foundation for the job I got on his birthday this year. He never did get to see me work with these kids, but I think once he died, he realized how good I would be at it. He searched out and found ways to help from another dimension in order for me to pursue a job I really care about right here on earth.

I might not be able to reach out and hug him, but I feel him hugging me when he does things like this. It breaks my heart that this child we're having won't know my dad as "grandpa" in this reality, but I believe that he or she had been with him until I got pregnant. So my dad is pulling more than one string for me and I am eternally grateful and feel his love right inside my belly.

Awakening the wise woman

On Wednesday, we went to see the midwife. It was pleasant as usual. I always feel good about being able to talk about how I feel about childbirth and not get looks of bewilderment or amazement in return. Sue was there along with her two students this time, so my contentment was multiplied by three. Such a welcoming and nurturing atmosphere. Much better than my experience at the gynecologist!

We went over all the basics. My urine was checked and there was no protein present, which is a good thing. (If there was, it might be an indicator for the development of Pre-Eclampsia.) My blood pressure was a bit lower than last time, which is exactly what I was going for by starting the garlic pills since my last visit. The baby's heart rate sounded great at about 140.

We were able to talk about some books that would be good to get into. I got some good ones from the library and have found a new (to me) frontier of philosophies and ideas like using yoga to help with labor, water birth techniques, and calm birth. I just started the "Calm Birth" book and right now I'm going over the history of women and medicine...

During the Inquisition of the church that took place in the Middle Ages to the Renaissance period, thousands of wise women were sharing in the knowledge and practice of medicine and midwifery. Women were once highly regarded as healers. Unfortunately, the church misinterpreted this practice as witchcraft and did not accept it. The result was the loss of generations upon generations of wise women knowledge when the church tortured and burned these women at the stake.

Another book that's a little bit lighter is called "the Vaccine Book" by Robert W. Sears. Its about the pros and cons of vaccines and talks about alternative vaccination schedules that work more with the way the body naturally works. I found a particular interest in this book because of my experience with working with kids who have autism. I've heard a lot of talk about how the mercury levels in some vaccines have possibly caused or catapulted many cases of autism.

Aside from books, my midwife suggested that I consider studying and preparing my mind with labyrinths. I had never thought of it before, but it makes sense. Working on a labyrinth is a lot like labor in that it keeps your mind occupied on a task that is mundane and gets difficult at times. It always takes persistence and redirection to see it through to the end. Its also a good way to fill the down-time during labor to keep the mind occupied so it doesn't go into a frenzy of anxiety. I think of mandalas in pretty much the same way... so in addition to exercise, taking supplements, eating right, drinking water and reading, I'm going to start working on labyrinths and coloring mandalas to prepare for labor!

These kinds of things really get me excited. I feel the wise woman awakening inside of me with every new idea that comes my way. The process of this pregnancy and learning about labor are like planting a seed to start life again in an old-growth forest that has been cut to the ground. I only hope I can do justice to the many women who came before me.

Orgasmic Birth

Yes! You heard me right! ORGASMIC BIRTH! Apparently, it is possible to have an orgasm while going through labor. I love the idea of submission to such a powerful force. Instead of fighting it and feeling pain, embrace it and feel pleasure! Cool, huh?

Keepin' up on the diet...

I’m 15 weeks along. I’ve been trying to concentrate more on my diet especially since I didn’t keep track of things like I should’ve last week. I have a daily chart where I break down everything that I eat so I can make sure I get all the proper components of the Brewer diet.

The main goal of the Brewer diet is to eat 60 – 100 grams of protein daily. Along with that are daily portion requirements for dairy, whole grains, green vegetables, other vegetables, fruits (particularly citrus for vitamin C), and a vitamin A source (yellow or orange fruit or vegetable), two eggs, and lots of water. I’m also supposed to eat a whole baked potato about 3-4 times a week and liver once a week. Also, salt is an important component in the blood, and pregnant ladies have a huge blood volume increase. To accommodate this, food should be seasoned to taste with salt.

The chart helps me keep all this stuff straight and helps me feel as if I’ve accomplished something at the end of the day. I’m doing pretty good on everything except the liver. I’ve bought some from the store in an effort to get the courage to cook it, but every time I took it out of the fridge, I put it right back. I guess I just can’t get past the bright red jiggling globs that remind me more of alien jello than a viable protein source. I think the only way I’m going to eat liver is if I can find a restaurant that can prepare it in a way I can stomach.

Last week, I missed a few days of my charting. This week, its my goal to fill out every single day and get back on track. It doesn’t sound like much, but it is monumental when the day-to-day business of being pregnant gets otherwise monotonous. Overcoming the roadblocks that get in the way of being as healthy as possible are a boost for my confidence and help me realize my mental strengths, which will in the end, help me have an easier labor.