My Successful VBAC Home Birth

I woke up around 5 am on August 29th, feeling kind of strange. I went to the bathroom to take a pee. I stood up and seemed keep going a little. I inspected the leakage that was running down my leg. It was slippery and smelled ultra clean. Kind of like bleach or something.... Amniotic fluid... I wasn't quite sure what to do since it was only a little bit so I went out to the kitchen to say good morning to my husband and send him off to work.
Shortly after he left. I leaked again. This time it was enough to trigger a call to my midwife. Unfortunately she was still in Colorado visiting her daughter who just gave birth, which meant a nearly 10-hour drive to get to my house. I had my doubts about if she would be here in time for the birth. She answered her phone and instead of saying, "hello," she said, "uh-oh." I told her what was going on. She said she'd leave right away.
I called Cam at work and told him to be sure to get the FMLA papers signed because I was going into labor. He told me that he noticed my eyes were super dialated earlier in the morning. He asked if I needed him to come home right away. I told him I was good for now and that I'd call him later. Well, later came sooner than I thought and I was back on the phone within an hour asking him to come home. It was about 7 am and I was starting to feel contractions and having periodic leaks of amniotic fluid.
Cam came home and immediately went to work cleaning the kitchen and getting the pot roast and vegetables in the crock pot so we could have dinner ready later. I called my doula, Sarah around 8 am and told her what was going on. I had a couple contractions while I was on the phone with her. they were strong enough to make me stop talking mid-sentence. She asked if I needed her to come over right away and I said that I would be fine for a while and I'd call her when I was ready for her. She said that she would go ahead and get ready then go to her friend's house that was near mine and wait for my call.
In the meantime, she suggested that I time my contractions just so we would have a good idea of where I was at. Cam and I went to my bedroom. He sat down in the rocking chair with a stopwatch and I sat in the butterfly position on the floor. I told him when to start and stop the watch.and he timed the contractions as I rode them out like I was on a wave.We did this for a while and by the time Sarah had called to tell me she was on her way to her friend's house, the contractions were so strong and frequent that I told her to come over.
She made it over by about 10 am and by this time I was wearing nothing but a robe. I was still feeling good between contractions. I actually managed to crack a couple of jokes and laugh a little. Then she asked me if I had eaten anything. I hadn't so I tried eating a granola bar and man, that was hard to choke down. My body was in no mood for eating. I continued to ride out the contractions for a couple more hours. I wandered between the living room and kitchen. I was enjoying getting foot massages and hip squeezes until about noon when I just didn't want anyone to touch me anymore. My primal mode was starting to kick in. There was no more joking around.
Around noon, I retreated back to my bedroom where it was dark and private. I went from using my balance ball to rock back and forth through contractions, then resting on it between contractions. After a while I started to squat and hang on the changing table. At one point, Sarah, had to provide a counter-weight on the table so I wouldn't pull it down on top of me. Honestly, I was feeling so strong that I could've tore the walls down if I tried. Cam came to my room to do one of his routine check-ins. I stopped him and just hung onto him for a while. Using his strength to suspend my body was so comforting.
Around 12:30 or so, Sarah asked if I felt like bearing down. I told her, I felt like I needed to take a crap. Yep! That was the feeling alright so she got the bathtub ready. I was totally in the mood for some relief that I knew warm water would provide. The bath was so relaxing... so much that it accelerated things even further. I was able to relax so that my body opened up even more and the contractions got even stronger. I was dealing with the contractions by getting deep into my guts and belting out, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOhhhh!" Which I alternated between many pushes and grunts and the word, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOpen!" I got in every position imaginable in that tub. I was struggling to relax between contractions because there just didn't seem to be any breaks. 
Suddenly, Lorraine appeared in my bathroom. I was so happy to see her! By this time it was about 1:30. She came over to the tub and started to moan with me, which brought me great comfort. She splashed water on my back and told me to sing the baby out. She tried to massage my perineum with castor oil, but was having a hard time in the water. She told me that the tub was small and that I would have to reach down and catch the baby myself. The thought of catching the baby myself in the tub just didn't sit right with me. I reached down and felt around with my fingers in my vagina, and there was the head! I continued to try every position I could think of, but the tub just didn't seem to be big enough so I decided to get out and go back to my room.
Lorraine told me to try and put my leg up on the bed. She was able to massage a little castor oil on my perineum to help the baby come out. I pushed and out came the head. Cameron got behind me and I pushed one more time and out came the baby right into Cameron's hands. I heard Sarah exclaim, "its a boy!" I couldn't believe it. The whole time, I thought I was carrying a girl. I turned around and took the baby and massaged his back, suctioned out his mouth and nose with the bulb syringe, wrapped him in a towel and just held him. Time of birth 2:29 pm on August 29, 2012.
I climbed onto the bed to feed my new baby and he latched on right away. After about 20 minutes, it was time to cut the cord. Lorraine told me to ask the baby if he was ready to be released. I did and it was a nice sentiment. Cameron clamped and cut the cord. I handed the baby over to him as I went to the shower to deliver the placenta. I had a little bit of a hard time. My body seemed to be done with all this pushing and whatnot. It eventually came out with a little help from some herbs, nipple stimulation, and coaxing from Lorraine.
My placenta was in perfect form. It was a beautiful deep red and completely in tact aside from the one hole in the membrane where the baby came out. Lorraine said that she could tell from looking at it that I ate really well... especially my vitamin K foods like spinach and broccoli. I felt so proud that all my diligence in eating well and taking my supplements had paid off. After inspecting and making a print of it on paper, Lorraine cut the umbilical cord off the placenta and put the placenta in a gallon zip lock back and into the freezer for later processing. She took the cord and made it into a heart shape so it would dry like that.
With all the craziness of coming straight from Colorado, Lorraine didn't have all her supplies with her including a baby scale so to weigh the baby, Cam weighed himself and the baby. Then he weighed himself and took the difference. The baby was about 9 pounds! Not bad at all! To top it off, my first birth was a c-section, which makes this birth a vaginal birth after c-section or VBAC. To imagine that had I gone through regular channels to have this baby, I would have automatically got another c-section! No thanks! This vaginal birth was so amazing! I wouldn't trade it for anything. I wouldn't trade either experience actually. I feel very fortunate to have experienced both ends of the birth spectrum.
There are so many advantages to having a natural home birth. For one, I was so comfortable in my own home. How many people can say they gave birth to their child in their own bedroom? I got to labor where ever I wanted including the bathtub, which really helped me progress. I had my family and animals around, which provided comfort. I didn't have to be in the sterile environment of the hospital. I didn't have a million nurses coming into my room to manage my experience. I wasn't told by a doctor or anybody else what to do. I figured it out on my own with the loving guidance and support of my midwife, doula, and husband. I was at home. I simply birthed my baby, fell in love with him and went about my business. My recovery is absolutely amazing too. I was up and walking around the same day of the birth. I had one small tear, which has completely healed in about 2 weeks. There have been no problems with breastfeeding. My milk production is great. The baby, William sleeps with me so when he's hungry in the night, I help him latch on, then I go back to sleep so I am at least getting 6-8 hours of sleep at night.
Speaking of William, I named the baby after my dad without even putting together how special the date is that he was born on. I got a call from my mom a couple days after the birth. She said, "do you know what happened on the 29th of August?" I was about to say, "yeah, mom my son was born." but she said, "that was the date your dad died, Tami." I felt happy to know I could put life into the day. This pregnancy started with me getting married with a ring on my finger that was from my dad and ended with my son being born on the date of my dad's death. Birth and death work hand in hand and I'm grateful to be a part of it.

How To Encapsulate the Placenta

I haven't posted my birth story yet. While I continue to work on composing it, I'd like to share another accomplishment. After the birth, my placenta was put in freezer for later use. Today, I thawed it out and processed it into pills. Here's how I did it...

 I took this beauty, rinsed all the excess blood off and blotted with paper towels.

I added lemon, ginger and hot pepper to a pot with water and a steamer basket. 

On go the placenta and the lid to be steamed for 20 minutes

Here's the cooked placenta. It shrunk a lot! 

 Next, the cord and the membrane get trimmed off. No Baxter, I'm not making dog treats!

 The trimmed placenta gets sliced into thin strips

 The strips are spread out on a baking sheet

 Popped them in the oven for a few hours on the lowest setting

 Once they're dry and brittle like jerky, they're done

 

 The jerky gets ground into a fine powder by using a mortar and pestle

I lined my pill machine with capsules and filled it with the powder.

Spread it out with a card

Tamped it down, then put the caps on all the pills.

Final result...76 capsules of my placenta that are now in my freezer ready to be consumed!

Getting My Shit Together

I made one last trip for a prenatal test yesterday. It was for group b strep (GBS) and I should get the results on Friday. I can't believe this time is finally here. I never took the GBS test with my last pregnancy because I went into labor at 36 weeks. I am happy to say that tomorrow marks my 37th week. This is very exciting for me, but its also a reminder that week 40 is just around the corner and I'd better get my shit together! I've been spending time collecting all the supplies I'll need for a home birth.

The black garbage bag contains a blanket for the floor if needed, a second set of sheets for my bed, and a shower curtain. The bed is to be double wrapped with the sheets you want clean on the bottom, then a plastic barrier, then a sheet set that's okay to get dirty on top. That way once I give birth, we can just strip off the top layers and have a clean set underneath:

 

The paper bags contain everything that I've washed twice. Once with detergent. The second time in plain hot water to remove any detergent residue. Then it was all run through the dryer. There's receiving and baby blankets, outfits for the baby, baby towels, bath towels, hand towels, and wash cloths:

The plastic tub contains all the other supplies like disposable under-pads, plastic sheets, big black garbage bags, gloves, straws, hydrogen peroxide, alcohol, cotton swabs, cotton balls, sanitary pads, bulb syringe, stop watch, blood pressure cuff, pen and paper, debris catchers, wipes, lavender oil, tea tree oil, ibuprofen, flushing bottle, flash light, gallon zip lock bag, scissors, and cord clamp.

Other items I have on hand that aren't pictured include diapers, heating pad, red raspberry leaf, motherwort, red wine, vitamin B complex, calcium lactate, lip balm, candles, music, video camera, and a full tank of gas. I've also made sure to fully stock my freezer and fridge with pre-made meals and snacks both high in protein and carbs:

 As a bonus, Danzo's birthday was not too long ago, so I was able to put away some of his presents and put together some goodie boxes for him to have when the baby comes so he doesn't feel left out. There are prizes and fun games in one box and brand new books and a finger puppet set that he's never seen in the other.

I've paid all the bills through the end of the month, have plenty of other things on hand like food and medication for the animals. Danzo has started to learn to take care of a few things himself. He's completely potty trained, pouring his own drinks, getting his own snacks out of the refrigerator, putting his dishes on the kitchen counter when he's done eating, and learning the importance of keeping toys off the floor.

All I have to do now, is continue my daily work of eating well, drinking water and raspberry leaf tea, taking my supplements and working some exercise in. I am feeling more confident and strong than ever. My faith that my body will take care of what it needs to do is at an all-time high. Thanks to all of you who continue to send good thoughts and prayers my way!

Blessingway Explained

The blessingway was at my house on July 28th and it was a wonderful experience! It lasted for about 2 hours and for that time, the room was filled with a love and common-purpose that I've never experienced before. Everyone was there to support and encourage me. Since the ceremony, I've felt very strong and determined in my quest to have this baby at home. I feel that my house is now filled with good, ever-lasting energy that will help me along the way. I am now filled with a faith and strength to keep my endeavors clear and unwavering.

Many people don't really know what a blessingway is... here's how mine went:

Before the ceremony, the attendees took the time to transform the room into a beautiful sanctuary by decorating with flowers, plants, special rocks, statues, candles, tapestries and prayer flags. Then all the women joined together outside to have their energy cleansed with a white sage smudging. I waited with my mom in the other room as this was going on. When it was finally time, all the women gathered in the room and waited for me. I entered with my eyes closed into a trust walk while everyone guided me to my "throne".

I sat down and opened my eyes and immediately was struck by the absolute beauty of the room and all the women's faces surrounding me. I had to choke back tears and take a moment to compose myself.

When I was able to somewhat talk, I called in my spirit guides:

“I ask for the loving presence and guidance of my spirit guides. Lakshmi to provide an abundance of loving intention, Ganesh to remove any obstacles that may stand in our way, Kali Ma to destroy any misconceptions or unrealities that may linger, and Diana to enhance our collective strength as mothers and women.”

Then the mood and intentions were set when my mother-in-law, Cindy did a wonderful job reading the Prayer of Intention:

  “We form this circle with clear thoughts, wise words, and kind hearts in support of Tami’s journey through this pregnancy, birth, and into a new phase of motherhood. Let us help her realize her own strength to achieve what she envisions as a successful and peaceful journey. Her desire to have a homebirth is strong, which is why we gather today. Let us come together as women and mothers to channel our positive energy to her through honoring her body, mind, and spirit. May she feel the support, love, and empowerment brought forth by each of us.”

This was followed by introductions. Each person said their name and how they know me. Some people shared special stories and memories. Then I got to let my hair down. My Auntie Brenda brushed my hair to physically and symbolically untangle my hair and the path that lies ahead. My mom placed a crown on my head to honor my journey into a new phase of motherhood:

My cousin, Danielle followed with honoring me by cleansing my feet. I have to admit, I almost omitted this part because I felt funny having someone wash my feet. I'm so glad I kept this part in the ceremony because there's something about having the feet acknowledged that really brings a feeling of peace to the spirit. There are a lot of acupressure points in the feet that really open meridians in the body. I could feel them open for sure. She did a great job!

Another great way to open me up physically and spiritually was through the group massage. Everyone took turns massaging my arms, legs, hands, feet, and shoulders. Wow! Talk about an exercise in not only opening up, but also RECEIVING! As women, we don't receive enough and sometimes its hard to do. I'm glad I got some practice because this part was essential to remind me to relax and receive from the universe during labor and to open the gates to the passageway for the baby to enter into this world.

After the massage, everyone took turns embellishing my belly with henna tattoos. Its been a couple weeks and they are almost completely faded away. I'm glad we were able to capture the art with a picture:

The bulk of the ceremony consisted of everyone taking turns offering gifts of a special bead to be included in my labor/prayer jewelry and a fabric square to be collected and made into a quilt for the baby. I also got some other beautiful gifts like handmade burp rags and bib, small soothing blankets, a picture frame, a couple of newborn onesies, and a framed poem written by my midwife. These things were offered to me with care and blessings.

I was also able to share poems, blessings, beads, and fabric from all the wonderful people who sent them in the mail. I displayed them on this board to be a part of the beautiful decor:

We then joined hands and I thanked everyone for coming, released the spirit guides, and closed the circle. Of course, after such an awesome event, we had to take a group picture!

Since the blessingway, I took some time re-stringing the beads with spacer beads to make it long enough to be a necklace. Here is the finished labor/ prayer necklace:

 

The necklace along with well wishes and blessings are arranged on a board next to my bed so I am constantly reminded of all the wonderfully strong women in my life who support and encourage me on my journey. This is the first thing I see in the morning when I wake and the last thing I see before I drift off to sleep at night.

I just know having these physical reminders of support and encouragement will help me achieve the birth experience I want. Thank you to everyone who took part! I love you all!

28 Week Test Results

A couple weeks ago, I went in for my 28-week testing. I got the results in the mail today and I'm happy to report that my CBC panel and glucose tests seem to be within the normal range. This makes me happy. Especially the glucose being at 105, because I'm really not in the mood to take that dreaded 3 hour glucose tolerance test! Anyway, if you're like me, you might find it interesting to take a look at the actual numbers. Here are the results:

Reflecting on the Past

I was reading some of my blog entries from my last pregnancy with Danzo because I was curious about a few things. I want to make sense of why Danzo came so early and if there is anything I can do differently to make this baby stay in my belly until mid September. The first thing I wanted to do was to see what point and why my ankles and feet swelled so much that I couldn't wear shoes . It seemed to happen around the time we had to move into a new house... of course! The stress of moving in the extreme heat of the valley in the beginning of July would do it for sure, which is also around the time my blood pressure sky-rocketed.

Danzo and this baby have approximately the same due date, which makes it really easy to compare the two pregnancies. Right now its mid-June and I am happy and settled in my home here in St. Johns. I haven't had to find a job like I did last time, I won't have to completely uproot and move all my nesting efforts to a new house before the birth, and the heat will not be nearly as unbearable as it was in the valley. All of those things are so good for keeping the baby inside me. I feel like I'm so far ahead of where I was last time, that it gives me the confidence that I can hold onto this baby at least until the beginning of September.

Another thing I started to do too early last time was I took herbs to soften my cervix. I started taking them in mid July and Danzo showed up July 29th. This time around, I told my midwife that I have no desire to start taking any measures to soften my cervix until the first week of September when I know she's going to be around. I'm trying not to worry about it, but she's going to be out of town on a trip for all of August. We have a pretty good idea about the date of conception, which is more than I had with Danzo. This will hopefully add an extra week onto the due date.

Aside from all other factors, the most amazing thing I discovered from looking into the past is that Danzo was born on July 29th, which was the due date for the baby I lost from my first pregnancy that resulted in miscarriage. Maybe giving birth to Danzo on that day fulfilled some sort of spiritual and physical need that I didn't even know I had. Now that the first pregnancy is satisfied by my giving birth on July 29th, I hope I get to move onto the due date of the second pregnancy, which is pretty much the same as the third. It is fascinating to me when I look at it that way.

I didn't get to have a home birth for my first two pregnancies like I wanted to so I'm hoping that the 3rd time is a charm. From this, I'm holding onto the hope that the number 3 is on my side. This month, I turned 33. Next month Danzo will turn 3 and this is pregnancy number 3. Will there be another 3 popping up somewhere? Maybe this baby will come September 3rd or 13th? I just hope whatever it is will lead me to have the home birth that I so much desire.

Halfway There!

Today marks my 20th week of pregnancy, which means I'm halfway there! Time has really flown by especially recently since Danzo and I went on a trip to Seattle for two weeks. It was a great trip and I'm glad we went, but I think I'm done with any more big trips until the baby gets here. Trips are a lot of work and right now I want to shift my focus back to working on taking care of Danzo and being pregnant. I think we'll all be able to venture out into the world as a family of four around Christmas time.

I was looking over my blog from my last pregnancy and realized that around this time with Danzo, I went out and got a job! I have to say that I am so grateful to be more financially secure this time around so I can stay at home and do the work of a mom. No going out and getting a job for me! Yay! I'm thrilled about that! Another thing I'm thrilled about is the weather here is wonderful. I don't think I'll have to contend with those hot summer days like I did in the valley. Thank GOD!!! I'm actually looking forward to summer.

Right now, I'm totally immersed in the nesting experience. A combination of coming back from our trip to a house that lacked my touch for a couple weeks and reaching the halfway mark, awakened something in me to get ready. I spent all day yesterday clearing every single thing out of my bedroom closet and reorganizing it. I boxed up most of my clothes and replaced them with the new maternity clothes my mom bought me on the trip.

Today, I'm tackling the linen closet, doing some laundry, and organizing Danzo's millions of toys. If you have a nearly 3-year-old, you probably understand the massive undertaking the toy part is! That's okay because I am on a mission and anyone who gets in my way better watch out! Aside from the nesting, today I'm also starting some new daily physical and visualization exercises to get ready for the home birth. Looking forward to my visit with the midwife this Monday and the doula the following Monday. This train is really moving now... Full speed ahead!

Physical Health Update and Blessingway Ceremony

A couple weeks ago I had a little bit of a scare with spotting, but I got checked out and all is well. I have since started to feel the baby move around 15 weeks, which is happy and reassuring!

Today, I got together with both the midwife and doula for the first time. It was a good visit. We reviewed my urine stick and blood work. Everything looks really great. I'm adequately hydrated. 
(I should hope so since I've been drinking a gallon of water a day!) My iron level is great, not anemic, RH positive, blood pressure is 130/70. My weight gain since last month is about 3 pounds, which is steady and normal. The baby's heart rate is between 130 and 140.

We also talked about diet, supplements, herbs and exercise, which made me realize that the nutrients I'm putting into my body are pretty good, but I do need to exercise a little more. I'm doing plenty of Kegels, intermittent yoga and we walk to the lake once a week. I think if I create a schedule of exercise, I'll be more likely to stick to it. However, now that I'm going out of town for a couple weeks, it might be tricky. I guess my goal for now will be to try and integrate more activity into each day.

I am so excited that we set a tentative date in July for a Blessingway ceremony. I hope to have it the same weekend as Danzo's birthday, which is on July 29th. Maybe if I have two big events in one weekend, I can convince the people in my life to make it out to St. Johns to celebrate with me! I mean, how can you pass up celebrating the birth of my son along with the birth of my next in a weekend full of fun, ceremonies, and blessings? It will be a rare and special treat for anyone who makes the journey out here. Keep us in mind for the last weekend in July. I hope you can make it!

Eating the Placenta

Placentophagy is the act of a mammal eating the placenta after the birth. It is a beautiful and beneficial thing in the wild, but you probably wouldn't think of it happening with humans right? Well guess what! We're mammals too and consuming the placenta can be just as beneficial for us as it is for the animals in the wild. When I think back to my last birth experience and realize that my placenta was just thrown out as bio-hazardous waste, I get really upset.

First of all, the placenta contains a chemical called oxytocin. When this chemical is consumed, it triggers the uterus to contract back to its original size and thus remedies postpartum bleeding. It also stimulates mammary cells to contract and eject milk. Postpartum depression is lessened or eliminated all together. Of course there's the added benefit of iron and vitamins produced by your own body so why waste it? Why would such a gem of nutrients be thrown out in the trash?

There are many options of consumption. The most primal thing to do would be to eat it raw, but that's out of the question for me. I don't think I could hold it down if I did that. Then I could cook it as if I were cooking a piece of beef or liver, but what if I messed up the recipe? There's no re-do on that one! So I've found that my best option for consuming my placenta will be to have it processed into capsules that are about the same size as a standard vitamin.

A lot of people prefer to hire someone to do the processing. I'm going to check with my midwife and doula to see if they provide that service. If not, it appears to be pretty darned easy to do it myself so I'm gonna do more research and give it a try when the time comes. Basically, I'll preserve it by cooking the placenta with ginger, pepper and lemon, then slice into thin strips for drying on a low setting in the oven for about 8 hours. Once dry, I'll use a mortar and pestle to grind into a powder, put into capsules, then store it in the fridge.

I'm very excited about this and will be sure to document the whole process and post when the time comes so you can witness it for yourself! This will be a long way off, but a girl can dream, can't she? ;)

WIC Wagon!

Today, Danzo and I went over to our local WIC office to once again sign up for this great program. I can't say enough good things about it. Its a program that provides nutritional assistance and support for women, infants, and children. If you financially qualify, you get a plethora of free healthy food. If you feel like you could use some help with the grocery bill and are pregnant and/or have a little one under the age of five, its worth checking out. Just look at what I get each month.

For me:

Up to 36 oz of breakfast cereal (about 2 boxes)
1 lb cheese
2 containers 100% juice (64 oz each) or 3 containers frozen juice
18 oz peanut butter
9 half-gallons 8th Continent soy milk
1 lb dry beans/peas/lentils or up to 64 oz canned beans
1 dozen fresh eggs
1 package (up to 16 oz) bread, brown rice, or whole wheat/corn tortillas
$10.00 worth of any combination fruits/vegetables (fresh, frozen and/or canned)

For Danzo:

Up to 36 oz of breakfast cereal (about 2 boxes)
1 lb cheese
2 containers 100% juice (64 oz each) or 2 containers frozen juice
18 oz peanut butter
3 gallons fat free/skim/nonfat/low fat milk
1 lb dry beans/peas/lentils or up to 64 oz canned beans
1 dozen fresh eggs
2 packages (up to oz) bread, brown rice, or whole wheat/corn tortillas
$6.00 worth of any combination fruits/vegetables (fresh, frozen and/or canned)

They also check your iron levels, which is a bonus in my opinion. I'll take all the information I can get. Happily, Danzo's iron count was around 13 and so was mine. Both very good levels. Also, after the baby is born, they provide information and support for breast feeding. Then after a few months when they're ready for solid food, you get a ton of infant cereal and baby food.

The first time you go in, you just answer some questions about your current nutrition and listen to a few tips and pointers of how you can do better. We just walked right in without an appointment and only stayed less than two hours. By the end, we received our checks for three months worth of free food. Our next follow-up appointment isn't until May and will be significantly shorter.

Since I'm a stay at home mom, I like to be able to contribute to the income by saving money any way I can. I clip coupons and look for sales all the time. If you're like me, a program like this makes you feel even further empowered to financially contribute to your family's income by getting so much free food! If you can get all this free food and assistance for such minimal effort, why wouldn't you hop on the WIC wagon too?

For more information and to see if you qualify, check out this website: http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/

Midwife AND Doula!

Just when I felt like life was being particularly unkind to me in my search for people to help me achieve the birth experience I want, I persevered and found not only a midwife, but a doula too! Its just like everyone has been saying, "Things happen for a reason." When I thought I had lost contact with the midwife, I searched even deeper for someone... anyone to help.

That's when I came across a doula in the neighboring town of Eager. We got together today at a coffee shop and talked for hours. We came to discover that our views on birthing are very similar, which made us both feel empowered and motivated to create this experience together. We both felt relieved to find each other especially in a rural area where most people resign to having repeated c-sections without much other thought. So in the end, I probably would have never met this doula if it wasn't for my temporary loss of contact with the midwife.

Speaking of the midwife. I met with her yesterday and she is absolutely beyond great. She came to my house and as soon as I saw her, I knew she is definitely a kindred spirit of mine. There was an immediate connection between her and everyone in the house. She greeted Danzo with kindness and he felt comfortable enough to talk to her about things around the house. He introduced her to our rat, Benji and in a gesture of kindness picked him up and handed him to her. She took Benji in her hands without hesitation and cuddled him as she thanked Danzo for sharing.

This alone is enough to melt my heart. I know things are going to be okay when someone loves my child and animals from the start. I showed her around the rest of the house and we chatted about the movement to further home birth rights. She told me of some other women in the neighboring towns who have similar views on birth as I do. She shared that she wants to introduce everyone so we can all feel empowered by each other. I'm all for that. There's not much worse than believing in something without an expanded support system. How are things going to change if we don't all unite?

She took my temp and blood pressure and recorded my medical history as we discussed things like books I can read and movies I can watch to learn even more about the birthing process. We went over my diet and supplements I'm taking and a few things that I should add. I shared my experience of having a miscarriage and as I was talking, she rubbed my feet and I felt like all my tension escaped right out my soles. It was amazing. The simple act of empathetic touch can really open a channel for negative energy to escape out of the body, which is something to be utilized during labor, for sure.

I learned about her core beliefs and history in experience both professionally and personally. First of all, and most importantly, she believes that being pregnant is a totally natural and healthy experience and all women are capable of achieving empowerment through the birth process. She has 27 years nursing experience and is a mother of 4 and a grandmother of 1. She is a certified birth and postpartum doula, lactation consultant, and direct-entry midwife. She offers childbirth preparation classes, hypnobirthing techniques, lotus birth, and herbal remedies. She grows and cultivates many herbs in her personal garden at home. In summary, she is works with wise women ways, which is definitely up my alley! Just the kind of person I wanted. 

The best part of the visit came when she got the doppler out and attempted to hear a heartbeat. She tried for about ten minutes the first time, then we took a break for a little while. The second time she tried, she laid her hands on my belly and talked to my baby and asked that she allow us to listen to her heart even if just for a few seconds. The doppler came on again and after about another ten minutes, there is was! Clear as anything. My baby's heart beat. Beating at a rate of about 130 - 140. I think I had a smile on my face for the next few hours just thinking about that wonderful sound. Its one thing to see the heartbeat, but quite another to hear it! A thrilling event in such a relaxed atmosphere too. Without the pressure of time, she found it! Our appointment lasted for a little over two hours!

I was able to talk to both the midwife and doula about each other. They have never met before and we're all excited about getting together for our next visit in March. I'll have a dream team of people working together to increase my chances of having the birth I want. I get to reach out and network with other women with similar beliefs.  I am feeling more motivated than ever to do my homework to make this happen. Best of all, my husband and son will be able to be active participants in the process. Also, I will have advocates on my side if I need to go to the hospital.

I think the most recurring word throughout this post is the best way to describe how I feel from the experiences I've had over the past couple days.... EMPOWERED!!! Everything is falling into place and if I could take a picture of my feelings right now I would. Happiness abounds!

Heartbeat?

On Monday, I was feeling pretty defeated, thinking that I'd never hear from the midwife again. It turns out, she finally got hold of me on Monday night! The first time I had talked to her, she was driving and talking to me at the same time so she never got my phone number. She called the other midwife who referred me to her and got a number to call me, but it was the wrong number. She had been leaving messages for me on someone else's voice mail. To top it off, she didn't get my message because she was in the middle of changing cell phone providers. She finally checked her email and got my correct number and got in touch with me soon after. Whew! What a relief! So we set up an appointment for Thursday (today).

I'll tell more about my appointment with the midwife after I've had a chance to digest it a little more. Maybe tomorrow. For now, I want to share my experience with the gynecologist. I still went ahead with my appointment I had with her yesterday. There are three reasons for this:

1) I wanted to hear a heartbeat as soon as possible.

2) Any lab work I want to get done will be covered by my insurance.

3) God forbid, in case anything happens where I need to go to the hospital I'll have a medical history on file with a doctor, which will make it a little faster to get the care I need in an emergency. Sort of a back-up plan if you will.

My appointment was at 9:00 am and since I've never been there before, they asked me to show up a half-hour early to fill out paperwork. So I got poor Danzo out of bed at 6:30 and we were out the door by 7:30 to make it there on time. As I was pulling into the parking lot at 8:30, my phone rang, but I couldn't answer it because I was driving. Once I parked, I listened to the message. It was the receptionist from the doctor's office, "Hi Tami, if you haven't left yet, please give us a call."

When I heard the message, I knew there must've been a scheduling conflict. I walked in the office and they told me that the gal who scheduled me for 9 am didn't take into account that the doctor would be in a meeting over at the hospital until 9:00 and wouldn't get back to the office until 9:30 at the earliest. They told me I was welcome to wait or, even better, come back at 11:30. I told them that we would go run some errands and come back at 11:30 since that seemed to be easier for them. They looked relieved and thanked me.

Danzo was an absolute trooper as I dragged him along to Wal Mart, Big Lots, and Pet Sense. You see, when you live about an hour or so away from stores, you've gotta get as much shopping done in a day as you can. We do as much shopping in a day now as I used to do in a week when we lived in the "city." Its a big headache for me, but I'm sure even more so for Danzo, but like I said, he did great. I gave him a few snacks here and there and he was happy. No melt-downs.

We got back to the doctor's office a little after 11:00 on the off-chance they might take us in a little early. No such luck. They took us back around 11:30 and had me strip down and get into the ever-dreaded gown that opens in the back and lay a drape over my lap. I sat there for an entire hour trying to keep Danzo entertained in a stuffy, sterile exam room. Again, he was still doing good. He had his new car I just bought him at Wal Mart and he was happy enough. By now, after all this waiting I knew a melt-down was just around the corner. He had a few snacks, but it was well past lunch time and even I was feeling a little woozy from no real food.

Finally, the doctor came in with her prestigious white coat on. She shook my hand then shot a nasty glance over at Danzo as I introduced him to her. It was obvious he wasn't welcome there especially since the paperwork I filled out just before the appointment asks that patients not bring their children to the office with them. The doctor sat down and looked at my chart. Instead of having a conversation with me, she shot question after question at me like I was in an interrogation.

Then, like most doctors do, she assumed that she had a full say over the medical procedures to be performed. She listed off all the things she wanted to do. She wanted to give me a flu shot. When I declined, she tried to scare me by saying a pregnant woman's chances of dying from the flu are double than that of a non-pregnant woman. I still declined since I'm not really convinced that's the truth. I was also pressured to get a Tetanus-Diphtheria-Wooping Cough vaccine. I declined that too. When she got to the mention of a pap smear, I told her a pelvic exam was fine, but I wanted to pass on a pap for now. She looked at me with squinted eyes and said in a piercing tone, "Why?"
Then I started to stumble over my words a little as I explained that I didn't want any more scraping around than necessary. She shrugged and shook her head then said, "Alright, no pap."

I was feeling flustered for even having to explain myself especially since I felt like she didn't really want to know why I didn't want a pap smear. She just wanted to hear how stupid my answer sounded to her. Its like she was pulling rank on me instead of trying to understand me. She probably also didn't like the fact that I kept declining all the things she could do to me to get some quick money from my insurance company.

It was time for me to be examined. Poor Danzo had been so good up until this point. He was at my feet while I was sitting on the exam table.
I said to him, "Okay Danzo, I need you to go sit in the chair now."
He replied as most 2-year-olds do if they don't quite like a situation. He yelled "NO!" and didn't budge from his spot.

Of course he was right in the doctor's way. Then he decided to start messing with that little rolling retractable step at the bottom of the exam table. The doctor was not having that at all. She got flustered and said in a stern voice, "Denzel, that's mine. I need that and I need this space."
He still didn't move and wasn't going to, so with the doctor and assistant standing there glaring at me and me with my naked but hanging out the back of the gown, I got up and physically moved him to a chair.

I laid down and the doctor got the doppler out to hear the heartbeat. She tried for maybe 2-3 minutes then told me she couldn't find anything and she was sending me to the hospital for an ultrasound in an attempt to see a heart beat. After she said that, I don't think I really heard anything else she said. I went into sort of a daze and started to have flashbacks to my first pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. My mind began to work overtime to think of ways to cope with loosing another baby as she proceeded with the roughest, most uncomfortable pelvic exam I've had in my life.

After interrogating and pressuring me, scaring the crap out of me by not finding a heartbeat, then molesting me, the doctor sent me on my way and I was told to schedule my next appointment on my way out. Yeah right. Like I want to come back in two weeks. No thank you. My appointment only ended up being about 30 minutes. The amount of time we had to kill and wait for the appointment was 7 times longer than the appointment itself. Not something I want to experience again anytime soon. 

Besides, I had to get to the hospital asap. I contacted  grandma Cindy to see if she could watch Danzo while I went to get an ultrasound. She was so on-the-ball that she got to the hospital before we did. Danzo got to spend time with his grandma while I went inside to discover the fate of this pregnancy. The hospital staff was very friendly. The ultrasound technician thankfully had a great sense of humor that helped get me get a little bit out of my shell of frazzlement. He got some images on the screen and quickly found a heartbeat! He took some measurements and said that the baby looks completely healthy. I even got to keep a couple images. Unfortunately, they got crumpled by somebody's tiny hands, but you get the idea: