I was so excited after talking with the lay midwife on the phone. Our conversation ended with her saying that she'd look at her schedule and get back to me about setting up our first appointment. It is now two weeks later. I've called her twice, left a message, and sent an email since we last talked. She has not called me as promised. I know I told her I wasn't in too much of a hurry, but I thought for sure I'd hear back before two weeks and multiple contact attempts.
This Thursday, I will be 12 weeks along and have yet to have any prenatal care or hear a heartbeat. As I've said before, I really don't feel totally pregnant until I hear a heartbeat. Needless to say, I want some sort of progress to happen. I am so tired of going around in circles and trying to beat the system somehow. It just feels entirely too big for me. Everywhere I go, I come across a roadblock. Something tells me, this home birth thing just isn't going to happen. I am starting to resign to the idea that I'm just going to have to get sliced open again.
On the other hand, I guess there's still a lot of time before I go into labor. Maybe by then, I'll have something better figured out, but for now, I've made an appointment with an OB/GYN affiliated with the hospital in Show Low. They are the only hospital in the area that delivers babies and unfortunately, they have a ban on planned VBACs. My appointment is for the day after tomorrow, so at least I'll be able to hear the heartbeat and get some sort of check up. I don't want to get too stressed by all this so I'm going to try and focus on the little bits and pieces I can accomplish rather than feeling defeated.
I believe that life has road blocks, detours and green lights for a reason. Don't get discouraged. Everything happens for a reason, if this is suppose to happen it will. Sometimes we get to occupied with what we want, we don't see the signs pointing us in a different way. In the end, which ever way you get there, you will have a beautiful baby.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lacey. I have a hard time just letting go and trusting what comes my way. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to force a square peg into a round hole. Its good to be reminded that things happen for a reason. After a good night sleep tonight, I'm sure I'll wake up tomorrow re-energized and ready to look at things differently.
ReplyDeleteStay positive Tami. The priority is prenatal care right now. If you don't mind me asking, why was Danzo's birth a c-section? I know everyone is not the same, nor are pregnancies the same. However, I attempted VBAC with Jake (my 2nd child). It was done under a controlled plan. But my uterus and inside of old c-section scar ruptured and I bled internally for a while before they figured out what was happening. Jake got stressed and they ended up doing a c-section anyway. After he was born it took 45 minutes for them to stitch my insides back together. When Sarah was born it was a planned c-section and was less stressful for her and me.
ReplyDeleteDon't be discouraged--things happen for a reason. In the end I know you want a healthy baby no matter how "it" comes into this world.
Danzo's birth was a c-section because he came about 4 weeks early and he was presenting in a footling breech position. While there are a few people out there that will attempt a breech delivery, I guess its pretty much protocol to do a c-section on breech babies especially if they're early.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know you attempted a VBAC. That's interesting. We've talked about the risks involved with possible scar rupture and will have a back-up plan in place in case that happens. Good to know the risks!