Dad is pulling some strings

For the most part, things have been going smoothly with the pregnancy. There has been some stress. The main source coming from the imbalance of money coming in versus going out. We've been here since the end of January and only recently has my partner landed a job. Needless to say, our well has run dry and we're running on fumes.

For the longest time, I flat out refused to look for a job for myself. I felt that it was my responsibility to take on the pregnancy full time while my partner brought home the bacon. It would be one thing to continue a job that I got before I was pregnant, but I just wasn't in the mood to take on a new responsibility in the middle of being pregnant. Well, reality doesn't always jive with fantasy so recently I've realized that if we're going to make it, both of us need to be working.

I was frustrated when I started my search because I was torn between the only two paths I could see: 1) get a job that I care about or 2) get a job that I don't care about. If I got a job that I care about, I would really enjoy myself, but would get attached and have a hard time leaving. If I got a job that I don't care about, I would be miserable, but would have an easy time leaving.

Which goes back to fantasy versus reality. My fantasy is to work until I have the baby then be a stay-at-home mom. The reality is I'm probably going to have to have the baby and get back to work shortly after wards. A single income for three people at a starting wage just might not cut it. Realizing this, made me lean more toward wanting a job that I really care about.

I started my search probably the week before last. I called the Mesa Public Schools Special Ed office and had my resume added to the employment list and applied for various other jobs that involve working with children. I had an interview last Tuesday that I bombed, but that was okay because it was the first one. I learned a lot and realized what I wanted and didn't want to do in the next interview.

Wednesday night, I applied for the Child Crisis Center. Thursday morning, I got a call for an interview with them and also from a special ed teacher in the Mesa School District. My interviews were set back to back on Friday - March 27th, which would have marked my dad's 61st year on earth. He died and left this planet when he was 56 and I miss him a lot. I still always sing happy birthday to him on his special day.

On Friday, I did my morning routine of watering the plants, feeding the animals and making myself breakfast. As I was doing this, I sang to my dad and asked for his help and wishes of good luck for my interviews for the day. I cried as I felt his familiar presence, but couldn't reach out and give him a hug or smell his lavender scent.

I went to my first interview at noon. It was with the special ed classroom - kids with severe disabilities, kindergarten - 3rd grade...my favorite age group! I felt so extremely comfortable and was really proficient in explaining my experience and relating to the teacher interviewing me. We were interrupted a few times by curious kids coming over to check us out. One girl liked me so much that she kept asking me to tickle her. Another boy ran over to me and grabbed my leg. I smiled and said, "Hi there!" He responded with a gleaming smile and wave.

I knew I was doing well when the teacher started to describe their daily routine and all of the behaviors to be aware of in each child. One girl gets so excited that sometimes she scratches, at times they have trouble with another child screaming, and so on...Our interview ended with the teacher saying that she had a few more interviews to do and would let me know by Tuesday. I thanked her and made my way to the next interview.

The Child Crisis Center (CCC) was a lot more intense. Its a shelter where kids live who have been taken out of their homes by Child Protective Services (CPS). This job would also give me great joy by the challenges that come from protecting children with special circumstances.

The interview was grueling. I had to fill out a mountain of paper work including an application, background check, license and insurance information. There were three solid pages of questions that the interviewer asked me, then I had to fill out four pages of essay questions. I was there for over an hour and left feeling exhausted and wondering how I did.

I got home and was feeling good about the first interview and confused by the second. Not long after I'd been home, the phone rang. It was the teacher from the first interview! I wondered if I had forgot something since I wasn't expecting to hear from her until Tuesday.

"I'm calling because I would like to offer you the job in our classroom. There's one more step... if you could come in on Monday and meet the principal and he gives his okay, we can officially offer you the job. If you accept, we'll send you to Human Resources to fill out the rest of the paperwork necessary," she said.

Wow! already!? I thanked her and set up or next appointment. After hanging up, I smiled and thanked my dad because it was his birthday and I was reminded of my last experience of applying for a special ed job. I was a substitute for the Highline District for a year and a half and had been applying for permanent jobs for over six months with not one call for an interview.

Finally, on the day of my dad's funeral, in 2004 I got a call for an interview in a 1st - 3rd grade special ed classroom at Hazel Valley Elementary. I got the job and ended up working there for about three years. It was the foundation for the job I got on his birthday this year. He never did get to see me work with these kids, but I think once he died, he realized how good I would be at it. He searched out and found ways to help from another dimension in order for me to pursue a job I really care about right here on earth.

I might not be able to reach out and hug him, but I feel him hugging me when he does things like this. It breaks my heart that this child we're having won't know my dad as "grandpa" in this reality, but I believe that he or she had been with him until I got pregnant. So my dad is pulling more than one string for me and I am eternally grateful and feel his love right inside my belly.

Awakening the wise woman

On Wednesday, we went to see the midwife. It was pleasant as usual. I always feel good about being able to talk about how I feel about childbirth and not get looks of bewilderment or amazement in return. Sue was there along with her two students this time, so my contentment was multiplied by three. Such a welcoming and nurturing atmosphere. Much better than my experience at the gynecologist!

We went over all the basics. My urine was checked and there was no protein present, which is a good thing. (If there was, it might be an indicator for the development of Pre-Eclampsia.) My blood pressure was a bit lower than last time, which is exactly what I was going for by starting the garlic pills since my last visit. The baby's heart rate sounded great at about 140.

We were able to talk about some books that would be good to get into. I got some good ones from the library and have found a new (to me) frontier of philosophies and ideas like using yoga to help with labor, water birth techniques, and calm birth. I just started the "Calm Birth" book and right now I'm going over the history of women and medicine...

During the Inquisition of the church that took place in the Middle Ages to the Renaissance period, thousands of wise women were sharing in the knowledge and practice of medicine and midwifery. Women were once highly regarded as healers. Unfortunately, the church misinterpreted this practice as witchcraft and did not accept it. The result was the loss of generations upon generations of wise women knowledge when the church tortured and burned these women at the stake.

Another book that's a little bit lighter is called "the Vaccine Book" by Robert W. Sears. Its about the pros and cons of vaccines and talks about alternative vaccination schedules that work more with the way the body naturally works. I found a particular interest in this book because of my experience with working with kids who have autism. I've heard a lot of talk about how the mercury levels in some vaccines have possibly caused or catapulted many cases of autism.

Aside from books, my midwife suggested that I consider studying and preparing my mind with labyrinths. I had never thought of it before, but it makes sense. Working on a labyrinth is a lot like labor in that it keeps your mind occupied on a task that is mundane and gets difficult at times. It always takes persistence and redirection to see it through to the end. Its also a good way to fill the down-time during labor to keep the mind occupied so it doesn't go into a frenzy of anxiety. I think of mandalas in pretty much the same way... so in addition to exercise, taking supplements, eating right, drinking water and reading, I'm going to start working on labyrinths and coloring mandalas to prepare for labor!

These kinds of things really get me excited. I feel the wise woman awakening inside of me with every new idea that comes my way. The process of this pregnancy and learning about labor are like planting a seed to start life again in an old-growth forest that has been cut to the ground. I only hope I can do justice to the many women who came before me.

Orgasmic Birth

Yes! You heard me right! ORGASMIC BIRTH! Apparently, it is possible to have an orgasm while going through labor. I love the idea of submission to such a powerful force. Instead of fighting it and feeling pain, embrace it and feel pleasure! Cool, huh?

Keepin' up on the diet...

I’m 15 weeks along. I’ve been trying to concentrate more on my diet especially since I didn’t keep track of things like I should’ve last week. I have a daily chart where I break down everything that I eat so I can make sure I get all the proper components of the Brewer diet.

The main goal of the Brewer diet is to eat 60 – 100 grams of protein daily. Along with that are daily portion requirements for dairy, whole grains, green vegetables, other vegetables, fruits (particularly citrus for vitamin C), and a vitamin A source (yellow or orange fruit or vegetable), two eggs, and lots of water. I’m also supposed to eat a whole baked potato about 3-4 times a week and liver once a week. Also, salt is an important component in the blood, and pregnant ladies have a huge blood volume increase. To accommodate this, food should be seasoned to taste with salt.

The chart helps me keep all this stuff straight and helps me feel as if I’ve accomplished something at the end of the day. I’m doing pretty good on everything except the liver. I’ve bought some from the store in an effort to get the courage to cook it, but every time I took it out of the fridge, I put it right back. I guess I just can’t get past the bright red jiggling globs that remind me more of alien jello than a viable protein source. I think the only way I’m going to eat liver is if I can find a restaurant that can prepare it in a way I can stomach.

Last week, I missed a few days of my charting. This week, its my goal to fill out every single day and get back on track. It doesn’t sound like much, but it is monumental when the day-to-day business of being pregnant gets otherwise monotonous. Overcoming the roadblocks that get in the way of being as healthy as possible are a boost for my confidence and help me realize my mental strengths, which will in the end, help me have an easier labor.